November 20, 2017
6 Months have passed- 6 months of cancer treatments complete. James comes with me to the Oncologist to have the biopsy repeated. This biopsy will determine if my cells had retrained themselves to be Cancer free. While sitting in the exam room, James shares he is feeling optimistic about the results. I have a lump in my throat because I know what this test entails and am cautiously optimistic about any sort of test results after having been on this journey for the last 14 months.
The Oncologist comes in to talk about the last 6 months and to explain the biopsy procedure. She asks if James would like to stay? I quickly answered on his behalf- Yes- he would like to stay.
While I lay on the exam table, I looked up to James with tears in my eyes and to his nearly blue hand that I was squeezing. After some complications- 5 minutes later the procedure is complete, the Oncologist has left the room and both of us are trying to remain strong for one another. I can tell that James is upset and asked what was wrong. He shared " It's just hard to see your wife needing to have a procedure done that causes her extreme discomfort and there is nothing I could do to take the pain away. I didn't realize the tests were so painful on top of everything else"
November 27, 2017,
We got the phone call from Oncology that the Cancer cells are gone. James is over the moon about the news and wants to celebrate! I am in a twilight zone. While I was grateful that the Cancer was gone, I was anxious about the next steps with the Infertility Doctor's. I schedule a follow up appointment for Dec 4th.
Dec 1, 2017
While enjoying my coffee and checking work emails on a slow Friday morning. I received a cryptic meeting invite from my boss for 10 AM the same day. While on the conference call my Boss shares "I'm so sorry Chelsea-Due to extreme budget cuts, we are having to lay you off. Your last day will be December 22"
Dec 4, 2017
I walk into the Infertility Office for my follow up feeling beat up BUT as though the past is behind us. This is my new leaf appointment! The Infertility Doctor invites me over to the infamous table where important things are discussed. I started off with sharing that we would like to start with Clomid, the cheapest of the 3 options to get pregnant. The doctor looks at me, nods and then diverts the conversation to confirms that the cancer cells are gone but before we could continue on with our journey we would need to repeat all of the tests from the prior fall to see where each of my levels are before we can continue.
I felt like a week old party balloon in that moment. . . "Repeat all of the tests again?!?" I exclaimed. The Infertility Doctor explained that because of the 6 months of Cancer treatments + the 15 months that have passed since my testing- previous levels that were normal may no longer be. She continued by sharing IF the panel of test came back normal the Clomid option paired with my potentially blocked tube would put me at a high risk of a tubular pregnancy which would need to be terminated. To closely monitor the development of my eggs I would have to be monitored daily with blood tests to ensure the eggs were forming and dropping to the open tube. I asked "Would this be the case with IUI too?"- she said yes. The only way to avoid this would be with IVF (the most expensive and invasive of the options) because the egg is extracted prior to dropping into the tube and paired with the sperm in a lab. The embryos are then placed directly into your uterus avoiding the tubes entirely.
As I sat there and began to tear up- she reached across the table in an attempt to comfort me. She shared- lets start with the panel of tests and go from there. Did you have any additional questions she asked? "What are the odds of the Cancer coming back with the large volumes of hormones being put inside of my body" With a somber face she replied "Nobody knows for sure, but I would say 50/50"
The walk out of the hospital was long as I passed multiple expectant and new mothers. The drive home was even longer. I shared the news with James that night over dinner. We agreed to enjoy the holidays with family and friends and start the panel of tests in 2018 prior to our February follow up.
Monday, January 22, 2018
Thursday, June 1, 2017
Infertility Update Part 1
We first want to say how much your kind and gentle words meant to both James and I after the last post! We were truly blown away (in a positive way of course)!
So now to continue on where we left off. . .
The 2 weeks in between my surgery and the post op visit went by relatively quick. My recovery was easy all things considered and was feeling optimistic and ready to take on whatever came next.
May 16, 2017
Today I went to visit Dr. Sanfilippo for my post op visit. I woke up ready to face the world. I got to the office early and was taken back quickly. One of the surgeons from my surgery came in to follow up and discuss next steps. We were sitting at the round office table in the exam room. From my past experience we only sat at the table when important matters needed to be discussed. I felt a lump forming in my throat as we sat. She shared that while I do not have Uterine Cancer we needed to put our infertility journey on hold because they were sending us to Oncology for treatment. (insert nauseous feeling) I shared with her that I was under the impression we only needed to get Oncology's blessing to continue not that I needed to be treated! As tears began to slowly well up in the corners of my eye she explained that "the estrogen and progesterone that you need to be placed on are miracle grow for per cancerous cells. We need the Oncologist's help in killing all of the bad uterine cells and retraining them to be non cancerous. After the treatment Oncology will redo a biopsy- If the biopsy is clear that we will continue with infertility treatments. If however, the biopsy is not cleared then your ability to physically carry your own child would be over as it is too high of a risk to both you and the babe." She continued talking but it felt as though I was underwater- Was I just told that I need to undergo cancer treatments AND that I may never carry my own child? How was I going to tell James? How was I going to tell our parents? How do you swallow this news? As I began to hear the surgeon speak more clearly she asked if I had any questions? The only thing I could say was "This is heavy. . ." She stopped and stared at me. It was a tender moment full of compassion and fear as she reached across the table and grabbed my hands that were clinched together and shaking on the table. She said "We will get through this- you will be a mother some how some way. Lets just focus on making sure that you are your best possible self" A few awkward seconds passed- still in shock and amazed that my mouth was able to so quickly ask "Assuming the biopsy is clear of bad cells- whats next?" She took a deep breath and said " We will need to move fast- We don't know if and how fast the cells or polyps may come back. We have a realistic window of 9 months once you are cleared from Oncology to get you pregnant" I asked "what happens if it comes back sooner? She replied "We start from surgery and do all of this all over again" With my mouth still unaware of everything that was just said it asks "So what are our options for getting pregnant? The surgeon took yet another deep breath and said "we can start with clomad. Its a pill that you take for 5 days after your cycle and try naturally to conceive. You can try up to 6 months but studies how shown that if it doesn't happen after 3 months it generally wont work. The odds of you getting pregnant are 5-8% with this option. Next would be IUI where you would still be taking the clomad for 5 days post cycle and then administer a trigger shot forcing ovulation 36 hours after. A small procedure would be done in the office where your husbands seaman is placed directly into your tube with the eggs. We wait 2 weeks and see if it takes. If this procedure does not happen after 3 attempts it generally does not work. The odds of you getting pregnant are 13-15%. The 3rd option is IVF. This option is full of daily meds and injections. On ovulation day- you would have a surgical procedure where we would harvest your eggs and marry them with the sperm in a lab. After 5 days embryos should of formed and we would have you come in for another office procedure where we place the embryo directly into your uterus and wait 2 weeks to see if it takes. The odds of you getting pregnant with the 1st cycle are 38%, 2nd cycle 58% and 3rd cycle 72%" my eye perked up with excitement- I liked those odds! She then said "each cycle cost between $15-$20K and is not covered by insurance" I thought to myself. . this day just keeps getting better! The surgeon then shared "For you to undergo any of these treatments my BMI needed to be under 50 which means you needed to be under 250 lbs" (minimum of 30 lbs to lose). At this point I had all of the news I could hear. The surgeon stepped out of the room to get the Oncology referral. I called James immediately to share the news. I was amazed that I kept it together while I shared our next steps. Before I could finish talking, Dr. Sanfilippo came into the room with the Oncology referral and I had to hang up. He suggested that I walk down and see Oncology on my way out and said that we would talk again in 3-6 months after I was cleared to return. So I did just that and was able to get an appointment for the following Monday.
The entire way home I ugly notebook cried- I called my parents and shared the news and I called James back and completely and utterly broke down. The rest of that day was slow and full of deep thoughts. Both James and I allowed each other to just feel whatever we felt and gave our relationship and ourselves permission to just steep. At that time, its what we both needed.
May 18 2017,
I have an underlying endocrine condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia that I was diagnosed with at 4- thats another story for another time. Today I had an appointment with the endocrinologist to bless my ability to undergo cancer treatments and ensure that the meds would not disrupt my disorder. At a high level- I was down 20 lbs form my last appointment in the fall, my sugar levels were up as were my thyroid levels and I needed to be put on meds. We talked about how stress can raise both levels and that the meds would not hurt the baby. If anything- they would increase my chances for getting pregnant. We would redo testing in July as it takes 6 weeks for the meds to fully penetrate my system to see if the dosage needed adjusted with an office follow up in Aug but I was cleared for treatment. The doctor encouraged me to join a gym and be active 30 min daily with a healthy diet. All and all a better appointment than Tuesday's visit but at this point I was raw. This was a heavy week for a number of reasons and I was just looking for the week to be over. But first. . I needed to join a gym.
May 22 2017,
Today was my first appointment with Oncology. I asked James to come with me to this appointment. As we sat in the waiting room to be taken back I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I saw Wonder Women after Wonder Woman walk in and out of the door with their head scarfs on. What was this treatment going to be? What was "next" going to look like? As my eyes began to well with tears the nurse called me back. We went through the normal song and dance of why I was here, whats my history etc. At one point the Doctor asked if I was a Doctor myself. I laughed and said no- we have just been through a lot recently. After a quick exam we got to see the Oncologist. He shared "Its good news- You have Complex Hyperplasia without Atypia. After treatment you have a 1-3% chance of getting uterine cancer. Had it been with Atypia after treatment your odds would of been 40% to develop uterine cancer." Finally- some good news! The oncologist shared "During a woman's monthly rhythm you start the each month producing Estrogen and then the middle of the month it switches over to Progesterone. The Estrogen is like a brick being stacked to form a wall inside of your uterus and then the progesterone come and fills that wall with mortar. If a baby makes it way into the uterus this brick wall strengthens and keeps the baby safe for 9 months. If no baby- the brick wall is knocked down and we start again next month. For you- you keep building brick wall after brick wall without any mortar and without the knocking down each month. In addition to that- your bricks arn't brick shape- they are triangular, not spaced or staggered correctly and are being held together with bubble gum instead of mortar" I stopped and look at him and said "so a drunk ill trained mason is building shitting brick walls inside of my uterus?" he laughed and said "Precisely! What I want to do is put you on a 6 month treatment of 4 pills daily- 2 in the AM and 2 in the PM. These pills will take this drunk ill trained mason and send him to the best masonry school so that your brick wall looks and is as strong as a brick wall should be. There's only 1 draw back- this is the same medication we give to patients undergoing chemo to boost their appetite" With my head cocked to the side I shared " But I need to lose weight not gain it!" The Oncologist said "This is going to be an uphill battle but its the only way" We finished the appointment and made a follow up appointment for the week of Thanksgiving.
If any of you know my sweet level headed husband you know that he is Mr. Positivity. On the ride home as I am furiously venting over the 6 month long treatment time (I was expecting 3 months) he kept pointing out all of the positives. "This is more time for us to save", "We can lose more weight", "We can work on our relationship and travel more", "We can still be parents to our bio kids- no doors have been closed" I was getting more and more pissed with each positive thing that came out of his mouth. I interrupted is positive parade and shouted "Can you be human for once? Can you be pissed off about what we have to do? What we are going thru? I feel like Im crazy for being pissed off at our circumstances!" James calmly and tenderly grabbed my hand and said "give yourself the day to be pissed off and then move past it because being pissed and frustrated doesn't change our situation or what we have to do. You might as well make the best of the ride"
We didn't talk until he got home from work that night. He knew I needed to again steep. When he walked in the door that night he offered to join the gym with me. He assured me that whenever I wanted to stop we could, if we wanted to adopt we could and that we would find the money somehow someway. If I wanted to carry my own children that we would stop at nothing.
June 1 2017
So here we stand- taking 10 pills daily for the next 6 months until we repeat the biopsy at the Oncologist. We are adhering to a low carb, low sugar, low fat diet and working out 4-5 times a week at the gym and tending our gardens and the house for physical activity the remainder of the week. We both joined book clubs for the summer, are striving to becoming minimalist and have some travel plans tentatively scheduled for the summer. Ill be 29 in just a fews days and while I had hoped to of been a mother by now- God has other plans. Some days are harder than others to swallow that reality but most days are above average. I still want nothing more than to be a mother. At my core it is what I was meant to do. Like most hard lessons I've been taught during my time on this earth- nothing worth having comes easily. We will get there eventually- we always do!
So now to continue on where we left off. . .
The 2 weeks in between my surgery and the post op visit went by relatively quick. My recovery was easy all things considered and was feeling optimistic and ready to take on whatever came next.
May 16, 2017
Today I went to visit Dr. Sanfilippo for my post op visit. I woke up ready to face the world. I got to the office early and was taken back quickly. One of the surgeons from my surgery came in to follow up and discuss next steps. We were sitting at the round office table in the exam room. From my past experience we only sat at the table when important matters needed to be discussed. I felt a lump forming in my throat as we sat. She shared that while I do not have Uterine Cancer we needed to put our infertility journey on hold because they were sending us to Oncology for treatment. (insert nauseous feeling) I shared with her that I was under the impression we only needed to get Oncology's blessing to continue not that I needed to be treated! As tears began to slowly well up in the corners of my eye she explained that "the estrogen and progesterone that you need to be placed on are miracle grow for per cancerous cells. We need the Oncologist's help in killing all of the bad uterine cells and retraining them to be non cancerous. After the treatment Oncology will redo a biopsy- If the biopsy is clear that we will continue with infertility treatments. If however, the biopsy is not cleared then your ability to physically carry your own child would be over as it is too high of a risk to both you and the babe." She continued talking but it felt as though I was underwater- Was I just told that I need to undergo cancer treatments AND that I may never carry my own child? How was I going to tell James? How was I going to tell our parents? How do you swallow this news? As I began to hear the surgeon speak more clearly she asked if I had any questions? The only thing I could say was "This is heavy. . ." She stopped and stared at me. It was a tender moment full of compassion and fear as she reached across the table and grabbed my hands that were clinched together and shaking on the table. She said "We will get through this- you will be a mother some how some way. Lets just focus on making sure that you are your best possible self" A few awkward seconds passed- still in shock and amazed that my mouth was able to so quickly ask "Assuming the biopsy is clear of bad cells- whats next?" She took a deep breath and said " We will need to move fast- We don't know if and how fast the cells or polyps may come back. We have a realistic window of 9 months once you are cleared from Oncology to get you pregnant" I asked "what happens if it comes back sooner? She replied "We start from surgery and do all of this all over again" With my mouth still unaware of everything that was just said it asks "So what are our options for getting pregnant? The surgeon took yet another deep breath and said "we can start with clomad. Its a pill that you take for 5 days after your cycle and try naturally to conceive. You can try up to 6 months but studies how shown that if it doesn't happen after 3 months it generally wont work. The odds of you getting pregnant are 5-8% with this option. Next would be IUI where you would still be taking the clomad for 5 days post cycle and then administer a trigger shot forcing ovulation 36 hours after. A small procedure would be done in the office where your husbands seaman is placed directly into your tube with the eggs. We wait 2 weeks and see if it takes. If this procedure does not happen after 3 attempts it generally does not work. The odds of you getting pregnant are 13-15%. The 3rd option is IVF. This option is full of daily meds and injections. On ovulation day- you would have a surgical procedure where we would harvest your eggs and marry them with the sperm in a lab. After 5 days embryos should of formed and we would have you come in for another office procedure where we place the embryo directly into your uterus and wait 2 weeks to see if it takes. The odds of you getting pregnant with the 1st cycle are 38%, 2nd cycle 58% and 3rd cycle 72%" my eye perked up with excitement- I liked those odds! She then said "each cycle cost between $15-$20K and is not covered by insurance" I thought to myself. . this day just keeps getting better! The surgeon then shared "For you to undergo any of these treatments my BMI needed to be under 50 which means you needed to be under 250 lbs" (minimum of 30 lbs to lose). At this point I had all of the news I could hear. The surgeon stepped out of the room to get the Oncology referral. I called James immediately to share the news. I was amazed that I kept it together while I shared our next steps. Before I could finish talking, Dr. Sanfilippo came into the room with the Oncology referral and I had to hang up. He suggested that I walk down and see Oncology on my way out and said that we would talk again in 3-6 months after I was cleared to return. So I did just that and was able to get an appointment for the following Monday.
The entire way home I ugly notebook cried- I called my parents and shared the news and I called James back and completely and utterly broke down. The rest of that day was slow and full of deep thoughts. Both James and I allowed each other to just feel whatever we felt and gave our relationship and ourselves permission to just steep. At that time, its what we both needed.
May 18 2017,
I have an underlying endocrine condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia that I was diagnosed with at 4- thats another story for another time. Today I had an appointment with the endocrinologist to bless my ability to undergo cancer treatments and ensure that the meds would not disrupt my disorder. At a high level- I was down 20 lbs form my last appointment in the fall, my sugar levels were up as were my thyroid levels and I needed to be put on meds. We talked about how stress can raise both levels and that the meds would not hurt the baby. If anything- they would increase my chances for getting pregnant. We would redo testing in July as it takes 6 weeks for the meds to fully penetrate my system to see if the dosage needed adjusted with an office follow up in Aug but I was cleared for treatment. The doctor encouraged me to join a gym and be active 30 min daily with a healthy diet. All and all a better appointment than Tuesday's visit but at this point I was raw. This was a heavy week for a number of reasons and I was just looking for the week to be over. But first. . I needed to join a gym.
May 22 2017,
Today was my first appointment with Oncology. I asked James to come with me to this appointment. As we sat in the waiting room to be taken back I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I saw Wonder Women after Wonder Woman walk in and out of the door with their head scarfs on. What was this treatment going to be? What was "next" going to look like? As my eyes began to well with tears the nurse called me back. We went through the normal song and dance of why I was here, whats my history etc. At one point the Doctor asked if I was a Doctor myself. I laughed and said no- we have just been through a lot recently. After a quick exam we got to see the Oncologist. He shared "Its good news- You have Complex Hyperplasia without Atypia. After treatment you have a 1-3% chance of getting uterine cancer. Had it been with Atypia after treatment your odds would of been 40% to develop uterine cancer." Finally- some good news! The oncologist shared "During a woman's monthly rhythm you start the each month producing Estrogen and then the middle of the month it switches over to Progesterone. The Estrogen is like a brick being stacked to form a wall inside of your uterus and then the progesterone come and fills that wall with mortar. If a baby makes it way into the uterus this brick wall strengthens and keeps the baby safe for 9 months. If no baby- the brick wall is knocked down and we start again next month. For you- you keep building brick wall after brick wall without any mortar and without the knocking down each month. In addition to that- your bricks arn't brick shape- they are triangular, not spaced or staggered correctly and are being held together with bubble gum instead of mortar" I stopped and look at him and said "so a drunk ill trained mason is building shitting brick walls inside of my uterus?" he laughed and said "Precisely! What I want to do is put you on a 6 month treatment of 4 pills daily- 2 in the AM and 2 in the PM. These pills will take this drunk ill trained mason and send him to the best masonry school so that your brick wall looks and is as strong as a brick wall should be. There's only 1 draw back- this is the same medication we give to patients undergoing chemo to boost their appetite" With my head cocked to the side I shared " But I need to lose weight not gain it!" The Oncologist said "This is going to be an uphill battle but its the only way" We finished the appointment and made a follow up appointment for the week of Thanksgiving.
If any of you know my sweet level headed husband you know that he is Mr. Positivity. On the ride home as I am furiously venting over the 6 month long treatment time (I was expecting 3 months) he kept pointing out all of the positives. "This is more time for us to save", "We can lose more weight", "We can work on our relationship and travel more", "We can still be parents to our bio kids- no doors have been closed" I was getting more and more pissed with each positive thing that came out of his mouth. I interrupted is positive parade and shouted "Can you be human for once? Can you be pissed off about what we have to do? What we are going thru? I feel like Im crazy for being pissed off at our circumstances!" James calmly and tenderly grabbed my hand and said "give yourself the day to be pissed off and then move past it because being pissed and frustrated doesn't change our situation or what we have to do. You might as well make the best of the ride"
We didn't talk until he got home from work that night. He knew I needed to again steep. When he walked in the door that night he offered to join the gym with me. He assured me that whenever I wanted to stop we could, if we wanted to adopt we could and that we would find the money somehow someway. If I wanted to carry my own children that we would stop at nothing.
June 1 2017
So here we stand- taking 10 pills daily for the next 6 months until we repeat the biopsy at the Oncologist. We are adhering to a low carb, low sugar, low fat diet and working out 4-5 times a week at the gym and tending our gardens and the house for physical activity the remainder of the week. We both joined book clubs for the summer, are striving to becoming minimalist and have some travel plans tentatively scheduled for the summer. Ill be 29 in just a fews days and while I had hoped to of been a mother by now- God has other plans. Some days are harder than others to swallow that reality but most days are above average. I still want nothing more than to be a mother. At my core it is what I was meant to do. Like most hard lessons I've been taught during my time on this earth- nothing worth having comes easily. We will get there eventually- we always do!
Friday, April 28, 2017
To our Son or Daughter. . .Love Mommy and Daddy
In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, we wanted to share our story in hopes of inspiring others to share theirs. On the days where I feel all alone I remember a quote
My husband and I met in College during our time volunteering through Americorp back in 2009. We were married in November of 2014 and for the first 2 years of marriage we tried to get pregnant on our own. Below are short diary entries of our journey thus far.
6/12/2016- Today is my 28th birthday. Your dad gave me the best present I have ever received- He shared that he was ready and wanting to start our family! On our wedding night we agreed that if we hadn't already gotten pregnant on our 2 year anniversary we would seek professional help. We knew there was a strong chance we were going to need help in creating you. Im excited to be starting this process sooner than expected!
9/30/2016- Today I went to see the fertility doctor for the first time. I went by myself because I didn't want your dad to be overwhelmed about the process. I needed to be strong for him. The doctors office was so sad- just a room full of mommies and daddies who are trying to make their baby. It was a unique feeling. So much hope for the future paired with so much pain in the present. I met with the doctor who was very nice. His name is Dr. Sanfilippo and both him and his nurses are nice. He outlined a plan for you starting with Hormone replacement therapy for 10 days, followed by my cycle. Once the cycle starts I need to have some blood work and an internal ultrasound done. Once my cycle is complete- I will need to have a SHG and HSG to make sure your 9 month home is in the best possible condition for you. If I can be honest- after the doctor left the room- I broke down in tears. It was overwhelming to say the least. The thought that you may not ever be scared me to my core! I know there are days where this journey wolnt be easy- but I MUST do this for both you and me. The thought of never knowing if you would be with us is more than my heart can bare.
10/5/2016- Today was your Aunt Courtnei's birthday party. We got to see your cousins Trace and Cailyn. I am on day 3 of my 10 day hormone replacement therapy. I started to feel hot and sick because of the meds. I sure it was just everything normalizing. I dont think I have ever been so excited to have a period in all of my life! Your cousin Cailyn fell asleep on me while sitting on the front porch. She is such a sweet little girl who has a special spot in my heart. It got me to thinking about me holding you on our front porch. I smiled
10/9/2016- Today is the last day of my hormone therapy- were off to the races now! The next round of testing should start within 10 days which puts us one day closer to finalizing our plan to get you!
10/14/2016-Today your dad and I went to Target to run some errands. I had to pick up tampons for my first period in nearly 5 years. While your too young to understand what that is. It made me so excited to know that the hormone replacement therapy worked and that my body is doing what it needs too. While at Target- I drug your Dad through the baby isle to look at cribs and strollers. We looked so silly trying to operate them. Neither your dad or I could figure out how to sit the stroller up! Good thing they give you 9 months to prepare for these things!
10/16/2016- Yesterday we went over to Grandma Lynn's house for dinner. She made macaroni fixed like spaghetti. We talked about you and what stroller you would have. Daddy said that if it had a beer/bottle cooler that I could buy any stroller I wanted.
10/17/2016- Today I went in for my blood work and internal ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good for your 9 month home. For the first time- the blood tech said my veins looked great which made me happy! I spoke with the ultrasound tech about next weeks procedures to get a better understanding as to what to expect. She was positive and said that I would be fine. I am nervous about the procedure but am excited to know that I am one step closer to becoming your mom. After the appointment, I had to do some work in the lobby and met the nicest woman! It was like we had been best friends forever- yet we had never met. She knew that we were trying, which shocked me because I didn't say anything about our journey to get you. She thinks your a boy- which i know would make your daddy over the moon! I just want you to be happy and healthy but would love to give your dad both a boy and a girl. He is going to be the best daddy in the world! At times, we will talk about you and what you will look like, who's features you will have, what your personality will be like. We are ready and want to be your parents. We know that right now you are watching down over us and when you and god are ready- you will be placed into our lives.
11/01/2016-Today is our 2 year anniversary and our results day at the infertility doctor. It looks like our egg and sperm counts are looking good as well as my uterus shape. Because I had not had a period in some time- the doctors wanted to schedule a DNC to remove the thickened lining and polyps inside my uterus to make room for you. The polyps are a bi product of PCOS and the thickened lining is a bi product of the lack of period. While the lining did thin some during my cycle it was not enough. The SHG showed that my right fallopian tube seems to have a minor block or scar tissue. Once healed from the DNC, another surgery may be necessary to clean up my fallopian tube from a cyst removal surgery that happened when I was 13. We may also need to undergo additional hormone therapy treatments for 3-6 months but the first step is the surgery. We have surgery scheduled to happen before Christmas. Forward Progress!
2/1/2017- Today we found out that your dad accepted a new job with a great company who has the same insurance plan allowing us to continue to go to our same infertility doctors.Your dad is such a selfless man to seek out an employer based on medical insurance provider just to give me you. You see- your dad found out the week before Thanksgiving that he had lost his job unexpectedly and we were crushed. Crushed because there was no reason for the lay off and especially right before the holiday season. Crushed because of the lack of income and financial stress this would cause but most of all crushed that someone could take away our ability to become parents. For weeks I was mad at the world for postponing our dreams of becoming parents. .We have the 1st surgery scheduled for April 25th- infertility week ironically. I will need to go through another round of hormone replacement therapy to bring on another cycle prior to surgery. Your daddy and I know that while this journey has certainly presented some unexpected detours, that we are on our way to becoming parents.
4/25/17- Today was surgery day. Last night I cried in your daddy's arms about how scared I was and that it felt like our time was never going to come. I showed him an outfit that I bought as a pre surgery pick me up. It was a grey knitted sweater and grey and white striped pants. While waiting to go back into surgery the fellow who would be preforming the surgery along side Dr. Sanfilippo was reexplaining the proceeding to Grandma Sheila and Daddy as to why it was necessary- something I had heard the doc explain for the last 6 months. She shared that they needed to remove the polyps and thickened lining to make room for you. She added that the HSG showed hyperplasia atypia which turns out to be 1 level below uterine cancer- CANCER!?! How did I miss such an important word for the last 6 months? Was this God placing ear muffs on me? As the fellow continued to explain the process before they rolled me into the OR I felt my body slowly shutting down. This couldn't be happening to me- not again, not now. You see- I had a uterine cancer scare right before I met your dad in 2009 where any questionable cells were removed during surgery and my margins had remained clear to this date. The doctors wanted to take the removed lining from today's surgery and test all of the cells with pathology to make sure that there were no cancer cells hiding below the surface. If the results come back negative- we will need to work with an endocrinologist and an oncologist to prescribe progesterone treatments to keep the lining thinned and to nourish my uterus with the correct vitamins needed to keep you safe.
4/26/17- After the surgery I was feeling pretty good. Minimal discomfort and bleeding. Just tired and trying to let my body rest and heal. Im still in shock over the "C" word used yesterday. I scheduled the post surgery follow up appointment for May 16th and my endocrinology apt for May 18th. Were hoping that after we are cleared that things will go smoothly.
4/28/17- Your dad and I got the phone call earlier this AM that the pathology report came back negative- praise GOD! However because of my underlying conditions Dr. Sanfilippo wants us to go and see an oncologist to triple check that we do not have any cancer cells hiding AND to get a suggestion on which progesterone treatment would be best for me. We also will need to visit my endocrinologist to get her blessing on the progesterone treatments as well. Turns out that progesterone can be like miracle grow for cancer cells. Its scary to think that we will have to actually see an oncologist. However its not near as scary as the thought of having to make a choice between you or me if the cells would progress to cancerous while pregnant with you. Would I choose to carry you to term and put myself at risk? Would I risk your life by brining you into the world too early to save myself? I'd never had to think about something so heavy before. . . my gut tells me that I would choose to carry you to term time and time again. While its is wonderful news that we do not have uterine cancer the news is still heavy on my heart and I'm numb. On one hand I'm happy that we are still moving forward. On the other hand, I'm sad that yet another barrier has been placed in front of us. You think that starting a family is such an exciting time and filled with so much joy. I cant help but feel as though we are being robbed in some way. While it may just be how I am feeling today- it feels like an endless train of doc apts, testings, consults etc. When are you going to be here, will I ever get to hold you? I shared with your daddy the moment we decided to start a family, I became a mama at heart. I hope that we are doing all of the right things and giving you the best chance possible. I think about you daily and will fight every battle ahead of us knowing that in the end we will have you.
"So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too" -PS I Love You
My husband and I met in College during our time volunteering through Americorp back in 2009. We were married in November of 2014 and for the first 2 years of marriage we tried to get pregnant on our own. Below are short diary entries of our journey thus far.
6/12/2016- Today is my 28th birthday. Your dad gave me the best present I have ever received- He shared that he was ready and wanting to start our family! On our wedding night we agreed that if we hadn't already gotten pregnant on our 2 year anniversary we would seek professional help. We knew there was a strong chance we were going to need help in creating you. Im excited to be starting this process sooner than expected!
9/30/2016- Today I went to see the fertility doctor for the first time. I went by myself because I didn't want your dad to be overwhelmed about the process. I needed to be strong for him. The doctors office was so sad- just a room full of mommies and daddies who are trying to make their baby. It was a unique feeling. So much hope for the future paired with so much pain in the present. I met with the doctor who was very nice. His name is Dr. Sanfilippo and both him and his nurses are nice. He outlined a plan for you starting with Hormone replacement therapy for 10 days, followed by my cycle. Once the cycle starts I need to have some blood work and an internal ultrasound done. Once my cycle is complete- I will need to have a SHG and HSG to make sure your 9 month home is in the best possible condition for you. If I can be honest- after the doctor left the room- I broke down in tears. It was overwhelming to say the least. The thought that you may not ever be scared me to my core! I know there are days where this journey wolnt be easy- but I MUST do this for both you and me. The thought of never knowing if you would be with us is more than my heart can bare.
10/5/2016- Today was your Aunt Courtnei's birthday party. We got to see your cousins Trace and Cailyn. I am on day 3 of my 10 day hormone replacement therapy. I started to feel hot and sick because of the meds. I sure it was just everything normalizing. I dont think I have ever been so excited to have a period in all of my life! Your cousin Cailyn fell asleep on me while sitting on the front porch. She is such a sweet little girl who has a special spot in my heart. It got me to thinking about me holding you on our front porch. I smiled
10/9/2016- Today is the last day of my hormone therapy- were off to the races now! The next round of testing should start within 10 days which puts us one day closer to finalizing our plan to get you!
10/14/2016-Today your dad and I went to Target to run some errands. I had to pick up tampons for my first period in nearly 5 years. While your too young to understand what that is. It made me so excited to know that the hormone replacement therapy worked and that my body is doing what it needs too. While at Target- I drug your Dad through the baby isle to look at cribs and strollers. We looked so silly trying to operate them. Neither your dad or I could figure out how to sit the stroller up! Good thing they give you 9 months to prepare for these things!
10/16/2016- Yesterday we went over to Grandma Lynn's house for dinner. She made macaroni fixed like spaghetti. We talked about you and what stroller you would have. Daddy said that if it had a beer/bottle cooler that I could buy any stroller I wanted.
10/17/2016- Today I went in for my blood work and internal ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good for your 9 month home. For the first time- the blood tech said my veins looked great which made me happy! I spoke with the ultrasound tech about next weeks procedures to get a better understanding as to what to expect. She was positive and said that I would be fine. I am nervous about the procedure but am excited to know that I am one step closer to becoming your mom. After the appointment, I had to do some work in the lobby and met the nicest woman! It was like we had been best friends forever- yet we had never met. She knew that we were trying, which shocked me because I didn't say anything about our journey to get you. She thinks your a boy- which i know would make your daddy over the moon! I just want you to be happy and healthy but would love to give your dad both a boy and a girl. He is going to be the best daddy in the world! At times, we will talk about you and what you will look like, who's features you will have, what your personality will be like. We are ready and want to be your parents. We know that right now you are watching down over us and when you and god are ready- you will be placed into our lives.
11/01/2016-Today is our 2 year anniversary and our results day at the infertility doctor. It looks like our egg and sperm counts are looking good as well as my uterus shape. Because I had not had a period in some time- the doctors wanted to schedule a DNC to remove the thickened lining and polyps inside my uterus to make room for you. The polyps are a bi product of PCOS and the thickened lining is a bi product of the lack of period. While the lining did thin some during my cycle it was not enough. The SHG showed that my right fallopian tube seems to have a minor block or scar tissue. Once healed from the DNC, another surgery may be necessary to clean up my fallopian tube from a cyst removal surgery that happened when I was 13. We may also need to undergo additional hormone therapy treatments for 3-6 months but the first step is the surgery. We have surgery scheduled to happen before Christmas. Forward Progress!
2/1/2017- Today we found out that your dad accepted a new job with a great company who has the same insurance plan allowing us to continue to go to our same infertility doctors.Your dad is such a selfless man to seek out an employer based on medical insurance provider just to give me you. You see- your dad found out the week before Thanksgiving that he had lost his job unexpectedly and we were crushed. Crushed because there was no reason for the lay off and especially right before the holiday season. Crushed because of the lack of income and financial stress this would cause but most of all crushed that someone could take away our ability to become parents. For weeks I was mad at the world for postponing our dreams of becoming parents. .We have the 1st surgery scheduled for April 25th- infertility week ironically. I will need to go through another round of hormone replacement therapy to bring on another cycle prior to surgery. Your daddy and I know that while this journey has certainly presented some unexpected detours, that we are on our way to becoming parents.
4/25/17- Today was surgery day. Last night I cried in your daddy's arms about how scared I was and that it felt like our time was never going to come. I showed him an outfit that I bought as a pre surgery pick me up. It was a grey knitted sweater and grey and white striped pants. While waiting to go back into surgery the fellow who would be preforming the surgery along side Dr. Sanfilippo was reexplaining the proceeding to Grandma Sheila and Daddy as to why it was necessary- something I had heard the doc explain for the last 6 months. She shared that they needed to remove the polyps and thickened lining to make room for you. She added that the HSG showed hyperplasia atypia which turns out to be 1 level below uterine cancer- CANCER!?! How did I miss such an important word for the last 6 months? Was this God placing ear muffs on me? As the fellow continued to explain the process before they rolled me into the OR I felt my body slowly shutting down. This couldn't be happening to me- not again, not now. You see- I had a uterine cancer scare right before I met your dad in 2009 where any questionable cells were removed during surgery and my margins had remained clear to this date. The doctors wanted to take the removed lining from today's surgery and test all of the cells with pathology to make sure that there were no cancer cells hiding below the surface. If the results come back negative- we will need to work with an endocrinologist and an oncologist to prescribe progesterone treatments to keep the lining thinned and to nourish my uterus with the correct vitamins needed to keep you safe.
4/26/17- After the surgery I was feeling pretty good. Minimal discomfort and bleeding. Just tired and trying to let my body rest and heal. Im still in shock over the "C" word used yesterday. I scheduled the post surgery follow up appointment for May 16th and my endocrinology apt for May 18th. Were hoping that after we are cleared that things will go smoothly.
4/28/17- Your dad and I got the phone call earlier this AM that the pathology report came back negative- praise GOD! However because of my underlying conditions Dr. Sanfilippo wants us to go and see an oncologist to triple check that we do not have any cancer cells hiding AND to get a suggestion on which progesterone treatment would be best for me. We also will need to visit my endocrinologist to get her blessing on the progesterone treatments as well. Turns out that progesterone can be like miracle grow for cancer cells. Its scary to think that we will have to actually see an oncologist. However its not near as scary as the thought of having to make a choice between you or me if the cells would progress to cancerous while pregnant with you. Would I choose to carry you to term and put myself at risk? Would I risk your life by brining you into the world too early to save myself? I'd never had to think about something so heavy before. . . my gut tells me that I would choose to carry you to term time and time again. While its is wonderful news that we do not have uterine cancer the news is still heavy on my heart and I'm numb. On one hand I'm happy that we are still moving forward. On the other hand, I'm sad that yet another barrier has been placed in front of us. You think that starting a family is such an exciting time and filled with so much joy. I cant help but feel as though we are being robbed in some way. While it may just be how I am feeling today- it feels like an endless train of doc apts, testings, consults etc. When are you going to be here, will I ever get to hold you? I shared with your daddy the moment we decided to start a family, I became a mama at heart. I hope that we are doing all of the right things and giving you the best chance possible. I think about you daily and will fight every battle ahead of us knowing that in the end we will have you.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Spring Cleaning!
Closets and drawers are often where " Ill be over in 10 min" items perish along with storing your every day items like purses and coats. Our drawers and closets become a lasagna of junk- layering "ill just put this here for now" items on top of one another until the space is filled and then never opened again for fear of an avalanche or explosion!
Why do so few people take the time to organize the chaos? Having purchased, renovated and moved into a new home over the past 5 months chaos has been an understatement and THIS gal has had enough! Its time to start having our house work for us! (Its the least it can do considering we pay for it every month)
Why do so few people take the time to organize the chaos? Having purchased, renovated and moved into a new home over the past 5 months chaos has been an understatement and THIS gal has had enough! Its time to start having our house work for us! (Its the least it can do considering we pay for it every month)
Saturday, April 4, 2015
The Best Homemade Pizza Dough Recipe EVER!!
Everybody loves Pizza! (and those who don't are lying...) Even when the pizza isn't great.. it's still not bad. And leftover cold pizza.... don't even get me started! (cue the heavy breathing and pizza daydreams)
Ok, so maybe most people don't love pizza like I do. However, most people can agree that making restaurant quality pizza at home is difficult. I enjoy a New York Style pizza that is thin, yet has a substantial "chew" to it and has a good crisp on the bottom, but doesn't have a cracker-like crunch. In short, I am picky! So my wife and I set out to create the best homemade pizza dough recipe EVER! We wanted to use simple, everyday ingredients. No fancy flours or special yeast - just plain All-purpose flour and regular Active Dry yeast. It took several attempts to get the dough right and find the best cooking method. But we have done it folks! And now we share our Masterpiece with the World!!